“Man Up?” No Thanks — Let’s Talk About Toxic Masculinity InsteAD
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Written By: Undefeated Healthcare Editorial Team
Reviewed By: Chase Butala MS LPC, LCPC
6/24/2025
“Boys don’t cry.”
“Be a man.”
“Toughen up.”
If you’ve heard any of these phrases (or worse—said them), congratulations: you’ve been introduced to toxic masculinity, the macho poison of American culture that’s been clogging up our emotional arteries for generations.
Now before anyone starts flexing in defense, let’s be clear: being masculine isn’t the problem. But when masculinity becomes rigid, emotionally repressive, and allergic to vulnerability, that’s when it starts getting toxic—like your aunt’s expired almond milk but with more emotional suppression.
This article is for everyone—men trying to understand themselves better, women trying to navigate relationships with the men in their lives, and anyone who’s ever been emotionally bulldozed by a guy who thinks “therapy” is a four-letter word.
What Is Toxic Masculinity?
Toxic masculinity is a set of cultural norms and behaviors that suggest “being a real man” means being dominant, unemotional, aggressive, sexually assertive, and above all, never vulnerable. Basically, it’s the emotional equivalent of wrapping your soul in duct tape and shouting “I’m fine!” through gritted teeth.
Signs of toxic masculinity include:
Believing emotions = weakness (except anger, which apparently is manly?)
Viewing women as conquests or emotional punching bags
Suppressing affection, vulnerability, or intimacy
Thinking asking for help is embarrassing
Over-relying on dominance and control
If any of this sounds familiar, don’t panic. You’re not broken—you’re probably just the product of a system that hasn’t given you better tools. Good news: tools exist. And none of them involve punching drywall.
Where Does This Come From? (Hint: It’s Not Just Your Dad)
In American culture, boys are often raised in an emotional desert. Many are taught that sensitivity is weakness, vulnerability is shameful, and the only acceptable emotion is rage (preferably expressed while watching football or driving an unnecessarily loud truck).
Common roots include:
Upbringing: Fathers (and sometimes mothers) encouraging “toughness” and discouraging emotional expression.
Media & Pop Culture: Glorifying stoic, violent, emotionally detached male heroes.
Peer Influence: Schoolyard teasing, “locker room talk,” and pressure to dominate rather than relate.
Trauma: Abuse, neglect, or early emotional invalidation can lead men to armor up emotionally as a survival tactic.
Add all that together, and you’ve got men who can fix a carburetor blindfolded but freeze at the thought of saying “I’m scared.”
Healing Is a Power Move
Men: If you’re seeing yourself in these patterns, you’re not weak. You’re human. Becoming aware of these behaviors—and wanting to change—is a strength, not a flaw. Emotional awareness is like a six-pack for your soul. Therapy? That’s your gym membership.
Ways to address toxic masculinity in yourself:
Start by noticing how you react to vulnerability—in yourself and others.
Challenge old beliefs like “men don’t cry” or “real men don’t talk about feelings.”
Open up slowly—with safe people, with your partner, or even in a journal.
Normalize asking for help. Your brain is not a DIY project.
Seek therapy (more on that below).
For the Partners & Friends: Boundaries, Not Band-Aids
If you’re in a relationship with someone displaying toxic masculinity, remember: it’s not your job to fix them, but it is your right to set boundaries.
Here’s how:
Call out harmful behavior without attacking identity (“That felt controlling” instead of “You’re toxic”).
Encourage emotional openness but don’t force it—change takes time.
Don’t excuse harmful actions just because “he’s been through a lot.” Trauma explains behavior; it doesn’t excuse it.
Model vulnerability yourself. Sometimes the best invitation to openness is being open.
Suggest therapy—not as punishment, but as a path forward.
Therapy for Men: Less Couch, More Strength Training for the Soul
Let’s drop the myths: therapy is not just for the broken or weak. It’s not all crying and blaming your parents (though let’s be honest, they might come up). Therapy is where men can finally unlearn the outdated rules and rebuild an identity based on actual strength—like emotional honesty, courage, and healthy connection.
In therapy, men learn to:
Identify their feelings (other than “fine” and “pissed”)
Express needs without shame
Understand where their behaviors come from
Reconnect with their values and relationships
Discover that crying won’t make their testicles fall off
Spoiler alert: most men leave therapy feeling more powerful, not less. Vulnerability is not weakness—it’s emotional intelligence wearing a cape.
Final Thought: True Strength Is in Awareness
At Undefeated Healthcare, we believe strength isn’t about silence or stoicism. It’s about knowing yourself. It’s about healing. It’s about becoming the man who doesn’t need to dominate because he’s finally learned how to connect.
So whether you’re the guy in question or someone who loves him—remember: calling out toxic masculinity isn’t an attack on men. It’s an invitation to grow. And around here, growth is undefeated.
Need support or want to explore therapy with one of our compassionate, real-talk therapists?
Reach out to Undefeated Healthcare—we’ll help you trade the armor for actual strength.
