Red Flags in Relationships: If You See Smoke, Don’t Wait for the Fire
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Written By: Undefeated Healthcare Editorial Team
Reviewed By: Chase Butala MS LPC, LCPC
7/8/2025
Let’s be real: relationships can be amazing, chaotic, hilarious, and occasionally, straight-up red flag rodeos. If you’ve ever ignored a major warning sign because “they’re just going through a phase,” or “they’re really nice when they’re not yelling at waiters,” this one’s for you.
At Undefeated Healthcare, we believe in love—but the healthy, non-soul-crushing kind. So let’s talk about relationship red flags, why we pretend they’re not there, and how therapy can help us stop confusing drama for passion.
So, What Is a Red Flag?
A red flag is like that flashing “Check Engine” light on your emotional dashboard. It’s your inner voice whispering, “Hey… something’s off here.” Common examples include:
They control what you wear, eat, or do.
They lie. A lot. About weird things. (Why lie about owning a pet iguana?)
They gaslight you. Suddenly, you’re apologizing for crying over your own birthday.
They insult your friends. Or your dreams. Or your dog. (Unforgivable.)
Bottom line: red flags are behaviors that suggest this person might not be emotionally safe, mature, or capable of a healthy connection. And yet…
Why Do We Ignore These Flaming Neon Signs?
Honestly? Because humans are complicated and feelings make our brains do backflips. A few reasons we might ignore red flags:
Hope is a powerful drug: “They’ll change!” (Spoiler: They usually don’t.)
Low self-esteem: You think you’re lucky they even like you. You’re not.
Fear of being alone: You’d rather cuddle with toxicity than your cat. (The cat disagrees.)
Trauma bonding: If you grew up around chaos, you might confuse it with normalcy—or worse, love.
Red flags don’t look red when you’re wearing rose-colored glasses. And sometimes, those glasses are prescription.
What Happens If You Keep Ignoring Red Flags?
Ignoring red flags is like ignoring a leaking ceiling. Eventually, your whole roof caves in. Here’s what can happen:
You lose yourself. Suddenly you’re Googling “how to make someone love you more” instead of living your life.
Mental health takes a hit. Anxiety, depression, self-doubt—you name it, toxic relationships invite them all to the party.
Patterns repeat. You start attracting the same behavior over and over. (Congrats, you’re collecting red flags like Pokémon cards.)
Ignoring the signs might feel easier in the moment, but the long-term cost is steep.
Pause, Reflect, Swipe Left
Stopping to address red flags isn’t dramatic—it’s smart. It’s self-respect with a dash of I know my worth. When you hit pause, you give yourself the gift of clarity and options:
Set a boundary.
Speak up.
Call in reinforcements (a.k.a. your therapist or group chat).
Mental Health Conditions That Make It Harder to See Red Flags
Some mental health challenges make you more prone to tolerating bad behavior:
Codependency: You try to “fix” people like it’s your full-time job.
Anxiety: You avoid confrontation like it’s lava.
Depression: You don’t have the energy to leave, even if you want to.
Trauma or PTSD: If chaos was your childhood, peace might feel unfamiliar—even suspicious.
Recognizing this isn’t about blame—it’s about awareness. And awareness is power.
How Therapy Can Help You Spot Red Flags Without the Drama
Think of therapy as your emotional GPS. It helps you:
Trust your gut again
Raise your standards without guilt
Stop confusing intensity with intimacy
Say “no thanks” without spiraling into self-doubt
Set boundaries like the boss you are
Your therapist won’t tell you what to do—but they will help you figure out why you keep falling for people who send 13 texts in a row, then ghost you for three days.
Boundaries Are Sexy. Here’s Why.
When you start setting boundaries, magical things happen:
You feel less anxious, more confident.
Toxic people start falling off like bad extensions.
Healthy people respect you more.
Your relationships actually improve—yes, even the romantic ones.
Boundaries don’t ruin relationships. They filter out the ones that were draining you
Final Word: You’re Not Crazy, You’re Waking Up
Seeing red flags isn’t a failure. It’s a sign your self-awareness is leveling up. And while walking away or confronting bad behavior is never easy, it is so worth it.
At Undefeated Healthcare, we’re here to help you stop settling for stress disguised as love. Whether you’re recovering from a relationship gone wrong or just learning what healthy love looks like, we’ve got your back.
Ready to raise your standards and protect your peace? Book a session with Undefeated Healthcare today. Your future self will thank you—and so will your cat.
