“Trauma Bonds: When Your Heart Says ‘Aww’ but Your Therapist Says ‘RUN!’”

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Written By: Undefeated Healthcare Editorial Team

Reviewed By: Chase Butala MS LPC, LCPC

6/17/2025

Ever been in a relationship—romantic, friendly, familial, or even professional—that felt a little… off? You know, like you’re riding a rollercoaster blindfolded, clutching your seat with one hand and red flags in the other?

Welcome to the wild world of trauma bonds—the toxic glue that sometimes masquerades as “fate,” “loyalty,” or “we’ve just been through so much together.”

So, What Are Trauma Bonds?

Trauma bonds form when intense emotional experiences—especially involving abuse, manipulation, or instability—create a strong attachment between people. It’s a little like Stockholm Syndrome meets soap opera. Think: “They cheated, ghosted me, gaslit me, but we have a connection.” That’s not love, honey. That’s psychological duct tape.

How Trauma Bonds Show Up

1. In Romantic Relationships:

If your love life feels like a telenovela directed by your unresolved childhood trauma, you might be in a trauma bond. Look for cycles of emotional highs and lows, feeling addicted to the other person, or confusing intensity with intimacy. Spoiler: real love doesn’t need a survival guide.

2. With Friends & Family:

Ever felt guilty for setting boundaries with that one family member who “means well” but treats you like their emotional punching bag? That guilt might be a trauma bond in disguise.

3. With Children:

Parents, we know you love your kids. But if your child is starting to act like your therapist (or vice versa), that’s not healthy. Children shouldn’t have to manage adult emotions—no matter how mature they seem after watching one episode of Dr. Phil.

4. In the Workplace:

Work trauma bonds are sneaky. You’re constantly stressed, undervalued, but you stay because “the team needs me” or “my boss isn’t that bad—he only yells when Mercury’s in retrograde.” If your job feels more like a toxic situationship than a career path, it might be time to examine what’s keeping you there.

How Can You Tell If It’s a Trauma Bond?

Ask yourself:

• Do I feel drained but can’t leave?

• Do I justify or minimize bad behavior to others (or myself)?

• Do I feel addicted to someone who clearly isn’t good for me?

• Is there a pattern of mistreatment followed by just enough affection to keep me hooked?

If you’re nodding along like you’re listening to a breakup anthem at 2 a.m.—yep, you might be in one.

So, What Can You Do About It?

1. Therapy, Baby!

At Undefeated Healthcare, our trained therapists help you spot the difference between real connection and a trauma trap. We unpack your past, build healthier boundaries, and help you stop mistaking red flags for confetti.

2. Learn Your Patterns:

You can’t fix what you don’t acknowledge. Journaling, mindfulness, and reflecting on past relationships can help you connect the dots. (Yes, even the ones that spell “run.”)

3. Create Distance When Possible:

It’s hard to heal when you’re still on the emotional battlefield. Taking space—physically, emotionally, or spiritually—can give you the clarity you need.

4. Get a Support Squad:

Your healing journey deserves cheerleaders (and not the kind yelling “just forgive them!”). Find friends, groups, or a therapist who validate your experiences and remind you of your worth.

5. Reparent Yourself:

Sounds weird, but it works. Learn to give yourself the love, structure, and care you might not have received before. Yes, that means saying no, setting boundaries, and feeding yourself something other than caffeine and chaos.

Final Thoughts

Trauma bonds are like emotional junk food: temporarily satisfying but long-term damaging. At Undefeated Healthcare, we believe you deserve real love, healthy connection, and relationships that don’t feel like emotional marathons.

Let’s break those unhealthy bonds and build something better—because healing isn’t just possible, it’s undefeated.