Gaslighting: It’s Not Just a Buzzword (And Yes, It Might Be Happening to You)
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Written By: Undefeated Healthcare Editorial Team
Reviewed By: Chase Butala MS LPC, LCPC
8/5/2025
Let’s get something straight: gaslighting is not just when someone disagrees with you. It’s not when your friend doesn’t remember the restaurant you swore you both went to in 2017. It’s not when your partner tells you they didn’t hear you say something (even though, yes, they were 100% looking you in the eye and nodding at the time).
Welcome to the real definition of gaslighting — the subtle, sneaky, sanity-eroding tactic that has nothing to do with bad memory and everything to do with control.
So… What Is Gaslighting, Really?
Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where one person attempts to make another question their reality, memory, or perceptions — usually for the purpose of gaining power or avoiding accountability. It’s not an honest mistake or miscommunication. It’s a pattern of behavior where one person gradually distorts the truth, denies facts, and plants seeds of doubt in another’s mind until that person starts thinking, “Am I the crazy one here?”
Classic gaslighting lines include:
“That never happened.”
“You’re just too sensitive.”
“You always make things up.”
“Everyone else thinks you’re overreacting too.”
If that last one sounds suspiciously like a bad ex… well, we’re not saying name names, but you might want to scroll back through some texts.
What Gaslighting Isn’t
Social media has taken the word “gaslighting” and thrown it into the ring with every disagreement, bad date, or awkward family dinner. Let’s clarify what isn’t gaslighting:
Anxiety isn’t gaslighting. If your mind is a 24/7 “what if” machine, you might feel like something’s off even when it’s not. But anxiety is your brain trying to protect you — not someone trying to manipulate you.
Defensiveness isn’t gaslighting. If someone gets testy when you bring up an issue, that might be emotional immaturity or poor communication — not deliberate manipulation.
Trauma responses aren’t gaslighting either. If a person shuts down, dissociates, or lashes out due to unresolved trauma, that’s a serious issue worth addressing. But again — it’s not the same as someone rewriting your reality on purpose.
Gaslighting requires intent — conscious or unconscious — to confuse, control, and destabilize. It’s about power. Not miscommunication. Not emotional struggle. Not forgetfulness.
Plot Twist: You Might Be Gaslighting Yourself
Now here’s a spicy thought: sometimes, we gaslight ourselves. Yes, really.
We stay in toxic relationships by convincing ourselves, “It’s not that bad.”
We downplay abuse with, “I’m just being dramatic.”
We justify red flags with, “They didn’t mean it like that.”
This is often a survival mechanism we learned in childhood or past trauma. If someone taught you that your feelings were “too much” or “wrong,” you might have internalized that voice and now play it on a loop like your brain’s worst Spotify playlist.
And it’s not just romantic partners. People can be gaslit by parents, siblings, bosses, religious leaders, and friends — anyone close enough to influence your sense of self.
How to Deal with a Gaslighter (Without Losing Your Mind)
So, what do you do if someone is gaslighting you?
Here’s your starter pack:
Document the Facts.
Start writing things down. Not in a paranoid manifesto kind of way, but in a “no, I’m not imagining this” kind of way. Keep track of conversations, texts, events, and your own emotional reactions.Get a Reality Check.
Talk to someone you trust. Say, “Hey, am I totally off-base here?” If five people agree you’re not making it up, guess what — you’re probably not.Set Boundaries Like a Boss.
Say things like, “We experienced that differently, but please don’t tell me what I felt.” If they continue to bulldoze your reality, that’s your cue to limit contact or, in some cases, exit stage left.Resist the Urge to “Prove” Yourself.
If someone’s goal is to confuse you, no amount of explaining is going to help. Stop debating. Start observing.Therapy. Seriously.
You’re not weak for needing help — you’re strategic. Working with a therapist gives you a sounding board, reality check, and safe space to process what’s happening. Especially if the gaslighting has gone on for a while, untangling your truth from someone else’s fiction takes time and support.
What About Couples Dealing With This?
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Okay, but I don’t want to leave — I just want it to stop,” therapy can help couples too. Sometimes, one partner is unconsciously gaslighting — not out of evil intent but from unhealed wounds, shame, or a serious fear of being wrong. Couples therapy can shine a light on these patterns, create accountability, and offer tools to rebuild trust.
But let’s be clear: couples therapy only works if both people are genuinely willing to look at their stuff. If your partner is just coming to therapy to prove you’re the problem… you might already know how that’s going to go.
Final Thoughts: Gaslighting Is a Dealbreaker — For Your Sanity
At Undefeated Healthcare, we believe your reality matters. Your emotions are real. Your instincts are valid. And if someone is making you question all of that — whether it’s intentional or not — you owe it to yourself to do something about it.
Because the truth is, the longer you stay in a gaslit environment, the harder it gets to tell what’s real anymore. But trust us: your clarity, confidence, and calm? That’s all still in there.
Let us help you get it back.
Undefeated Healthcare — for the minds that refuse to stay broken.
Let’s rebuild. Let’s call out the BS. And let’s make sure you stay undefeated.
Want to talk to someone who won’t gaslight you? Dial 304-270-8179 schedule a session. We believe you.
