“But We’re Just Close!” — The Truth About Enmeshment in Relationships
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Written By: Undefeated Healthcare Editorial Team
Reviewed By: Chase Butala MS LPC, LCPC
7/29/2025
Let’s talk about enmeshment. It sounds like something that happens to a dolphin in a fishing net, but it’s actually something that might be happening in your family—minus the ocean breeze.
Enmeshment is when the emotional boundaries between people (especially in families) get so blurry that you’re not sure where one person ends and the other begins. It’s closeness on steroids—think of it as “emotional Velcro.” And while love and connection are vital, enmeshment is more like getting stuck in a psychological group hug that no one ever asked for.
What Is Enmeshment, Really?
Clinically speaking, enmeshment is a term coined by family therapist Salvador Minuchin. It refers to relationships in which personal boundaries are diffused, leading to a lack of autonomy and overdependence. In enmeshed relationships, emotions are shared (which sounds sweet) to the point that individual feelings are hard to identify (which is less sweet).
Basically, if your mom gets a migraine and suddenly you feel like you need to cancel your plans and stay home to emotionally support her… we need to talk.
“Wait, Am I Enmeshed with My Kid or My Parent?”
Here are a few signs:
If you’re a parent:
You feel anxious when your child makes independent decisions.
Your happiness hinges on their achievements (or failures).
You often say things like “We didn’t do well on that test.”
If you’re the child:
You feel responsible for your parent’s emotional well-being.
You find it hard to make choices without their approval—even as an adult.
You’re 35, but your mom still texts, “Let me know when you get home,” even though you live with her.
The Hidden Consequences
While enmeshment can feel like love and loyalty, it actually leads to a range of psychological challenges:
Stunted Identity Development: You might not know what you actually want or who you really are outside of your family role.
Low Autonomy: You second-guess your own decisions and struggle with independence.
Co-dependency in Romantic Relationships: Spoiler alert—what happens in childhood doesn’t stay in childhood.
Anxiety and Guilt: The emotional weight of being someone else’s emotional caretaker is exhausting.
Research has linked enmeshment with increased risks of depression, anxiety, and even eating disorders—especially when children are made to feel like they must “parent” their parents emotionally (a.k.a. parentification). In a study published in Family Process, enmeshed family dynamics were shown to predict maladaptive coping styles and reduced life satisfaction in young adults.
How to Untangle the Mess (Without Setting the House on Fire)
So how do you go from enmeshed to empowered? Here are some places to start:
Reflect on Your Emotional Reactions: Are you feeling guilty for taking space? That might be your enmeshment radar beeping.
Name Your Feelings Separately: Learn to distinguish between your emotions and someone else’s. Pro tip: just because your mom is upset doesn’t mean you need to be too.
Practice Saying No: It’s not betrayal—it’s a boundary.
Develop Independent Interests: What do you like to do when no one else is watching?
Therapy: Your Secret Weapon for Healthy Relationships
Let’s be honest—most of us don’t untangle enmeshment just by watching TikToks about “toxic families.” Therapy provides a neutral, compassionate space where you can:
Recognize enmeshed patterns without shame
Build healthier boundaries (without guilt-tripping anyone)
Reconnect with your own identity, wants, and goals
Learn communication strategies that don’t sound like a hostage negotiation
At Undefeated Healthcare, our team specializes in helping individuals and families identify relational patterns that may be holding them back. Whether you’re the mom who “just wants to help” or the adult child who feels like they’re on an emotional leash—therapy can help.
Ready to Create Healthier Relationships?
If any of this feels a little too familiar, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it out alone either. Call Undefeated Healthcare Mental Health Clinic at 304-270-8179 to schedule an appointment today. Let’s get you untangled, empowered, and maybe even a little bit more chill.
Because healthy love isn’t about fusion—it’s about freedom.
